Filter with intention. 

Teach children to be their own filter on the internet. Before they post something, align it with a value. When they take a photo, help them reflect on their intention. Model this behaviour.

A metaphor that resonates with children is the idea of a ‘digital tattoo’. Everything you do on the internet remains there. So when you post something it is similar to getting a tattoo you can never get rid of. Next time you want to post or comment on something, ask yourself if you will be comfortable having this ‘tattoo’ for the rest of your life.

Filter content with critical thinking. 

Educate your children on how the internet companies make their money. This helps them understand why they are incentivised you to stay on the social media platforms. 

Encourage dialogue about misinformation, conspiracy theories and fake news. Misinformation and conspiracy theories have longer viewing times and more clicks. Therefore, social media companies push people towards videos or posts with misinformation. Having conversations around this encourages critical thinking and helps them become their own filter.

Be proactive about your internet boundaries. 

Set parameters for your devices. Allocate a place and times for your phone and have a charging station for all your electronics during bed time. Schedule times during the week and weekends to allow screen time.

Remember your phones and tablets hook you. They will win your attention if you don’t consciously set the boundaries. 

The top social media companies have ingeniously sneaked into your daily life. They use an entire list of psychological tricks to increase your usage. Your apps are built to create habits, FOMO, and dependence. 

The longer you scroll, the more you can be influenced. The more you are influenced, the more money they can make. Unfortunately, this creates a power imbalance, tilted against your family. They don’t have to deal with the repercussions of continued use, your loved ones do. 

Emphasize self-regulation (emotions and focus)

Learning how to control your actions despite your mood is a key skill for success. The more you practice regulating your emotions the better you get at it. 

Phones stop you from practicing dealing with uncomfortable emotions. It is a quick fix but not a very sustainable solution. 

When you feel bad your phone is there to distract you or help you avoid an uncomfortable situation. Outsourcing emotional regulation to a phone creates a habit of avoidance in pressured situations. Throughout their schooling career your child is going to face many stressful events (tests, speeches, sports, dating). You want them to still do important work despite their feelings. To persevere through tough tasks. So, don’t let the phone be stop your child from dealing with uncomfortable emotions. 

Don’t outsource boredom.

Allow your child to be bored. Don’t outsource your boredom to their phone. Dealing with boredom is a great learning opportunity for your child. It teaches your child to take action and deal with emotions.

Playing, socialising, and being outside is great for overall development. Using a device to deal with boredom lowers a person’s frustration tolerance and narrows developmental skills just to a screen.

Focus & task switching

Allocate time limited focus times, where your child has to focus on one activity at at time, with no distractions. The switching between different tasks diminishes focus and productivity. 

See your ability to focus as a calm lake. You want to keep the surface of the lake as calm as possible. The calmer the lake the clearer your focus. However, every notification or distraction causes a ripple in the lake and diminishes your ability to focus on the task at hand. (See this video for an elaboration). This becomes a problem for tasks that require a lot of focus. 

Help your child to set boundaries with their devices. This can be done by switching off the notification, putting the phone on aeroplane mode, or keep it in a different room when working. 

Sleep and the internet

Research suggests social media negatively affects children’s sleep. Having your phone next to you while you sleep is not a good idea. Notifications, the white light and FOMO will keep you awake. So don’t use your phone as an alarm or keep it in your room at night.

Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see in your child, so role model this boundary. 

The better quality sleep will help with their emotional regulation and focus. 

Is social media bad for mental health?

The short answer is, we don’t know if social media is bad for mental health. A very comprehensive study by Oxford found that social media in and of itself is not a strong predictor of lowered life satisfaction. It is more likely that if we use technology to outsource our emotional regulation, when we use it to distract ourselves or avoid important things, then it becomes a problem. 

Safety on the internet

Friend Requests / Online Friends